WHILE THE WORLD ISN’T WATCHING

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Chapter 8 — The Weight of the Last Day

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The morning light filtered slowly through the window.
Smart was the first to wake up, though for a few seconds he remained still, with his eyes closed and his arm wrapped around Boom's waist.
He was still there.
He could feel his calm breathing, the warmth of his body, and one of his hands resting over his own.
Then he remembered what day it was.
The eighth.
The last of those days they had managed to carve out just for themselves.
Smart tightened his embrace just a little bit more.
Boom stirred in his arms and slowly opened his eyes. At first he smiled, still half-asleep, but Smart's expression made him fully wake up.
—What's wrong?
—Nothing.
Boom watched him for a few seconds.
—Smart.
He lowered his gaze.
—I don't want it to end.
Boom stayed still.
He had tried not to think too much about it since they woke up. He wanted to enjoy the day, do something nice, and save those final hours as another happy memory. But hearing Smart say it out loud made reality catch up to him once again.
—Me neither —he replied.
Smart buried his face in Boom's neck.
Boom stroked his hair, slowly.
—I wish we could stay like this a little longer.
—A little longer?
Boom let out a weak laugh.
—All right. Much longer.
Smart smiled faintly, but the smile didn't last long.
—Tomorrow I'm going to wake up and you won't be here.
Boom felt a lump in his throat.
—I know.
—And I'm going to have to get up, check my phone, look at my schedule, and keep going with everything.
Boom stroked his hair.
—I know. For now, we'll just have to keep moving forward, support each other, and find a way to make the distance a little bit more bearable.
Smart lifted his head to look at him.
Boom's eyes were moist too.
—Are you crying? —Smart asked softly.
Boom let out a small laugh as he wiped away a tear with the back of his hand.
—Don't start.
—I didn't say anything.
—But you're looking at me.
Smart tried to smile.
—I just don't want to be the only one who's sad.
Boom looked at him with a mix of tenderness and reproach.
—You think I'm not sad?
Smart's smile vanished.
—No. It's just...
He didn't finish the sentence.
Boom leaned in and pressed his forehead against Smart's.
—It hurts me just as much as it hurts you. I just don't know what to do with that.
Smart hugged him again.
This time it was Boom who held on tight, wrapping his arms around Smart's back and closing his eyes. For a few minutes, neither of them tried to speak or make the other feel better.
They didn't need to pretend they were fine.
When they finally pulled apart a little, Boom took a deep breath and caressed his cheek.
—We have the whole day.
Smart nodded.
—The whole day.
—Then let's make the most of it.
—What if I don't want to get up?
Boom smiled with sadness.
—Then we'll have to have breakfast in bed.
Smart looked at him.
—That sounds pretty good.
—I knew it.
And for the first time that morning, the two of them managed to genuinely laugh.
They didn't have a plan for the day.
After showering and putting on comfortable clothes, they went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Boom started organizing things while Smart stayed close, leaning against the counter, talking to him about anything at all.
Or at least, trying to.
Because every so often Smart would just watch him in silence, as if he were trying to memorize him doing simple things like making coffee or looking for something in a drawer.
Boom eventually noticed.
—What are you looking at?
—Nothing.
—You've been staring at me for five minutes.
—So?
Boom set his mug down on the counter.
—Do I have something on my face?
Smart smiled.
—Yeah.
Boom touched his cheek.
—What?
—You're just too pretty.
Boom laughed and shook his head.
—You're impossible today.
—I'm in love. It's different.
Boom's smile grew smaller.
He walked over to Smart and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before heading back to the kitchen.
—Then come help me, lover boy. Breakfast isn't going to make itself.
Smart obeyed, though his help mostly consisted of hugging Boom from behind while Boom finished putting everything together.
—Smart, I can't move.
—You can.
—I can't open the drawer.
Smart loosened his grip a little.
—Now you can.
Boom let out a chuckle.
—You're impossible.
—But you love me.
—Unfortunately.
Smart feigned offense.
—Unfortunately?
Boom turned around in his arms and gave him a quick kiss.
—So much.
They had breakfast without rushing, sharing the food and talking about things that didn't matter at all. For moments, the morning felt just like any of the previous ones.
Until Smart glanced at the clock.
He didn't say anything.
Boom didn't either.
But both of them saw it.
And both of them knew the day kept moving forward.
A little while later, Boom announced that he had to go out.
Smart, who was clearing the mugs, immediately raised his head.
—Where are you going?
—To buy something.
—What thing?
—Something I need.
Smart looked at him suspiciously.
—That doesn't answer my question.
Boom smiled.
—I'll be right back.
—I'm coming with you.
—Smart, it's quick.
—Exactly. I'll go with you and we'll be back fast.
Boom let out a laugh, but seeing the look on his partner's face, he finally walked over to take his hand.
—I really won't take long. Stay here, okay?
Smart looked down at their intertwined hands.
—All right.
Boom gave him a kiss before heading out.
—I love you.
—Me too.
The door closed.
And the apartment fell silent.
At first, Smart tried to distract himself. He finished cleaning up the kitchen, tidied a couple of things in the living room, and turned on the television.
He didn't pay attention to any of it.
He checked his phone.
Not much time had passed yet.
He left it on the sofa and looked back at the TV.
A few minutes later, he picked it up again.
He opened the chat with Boom, but didn't type anything.
What was he going to say? Boom had just left and promised he'd be right back.
Smart let out a sigh and rested his head against the back of the sofa.
He knew Boom wasn't doing anything wrong. He knew he had just gone out to buy something.
But on a day like that, even an hour felt like way too much time when he couldn't share it with him.
When he finally heard the door, he stood up almost immediately.
Boom walked in carrying two bags.
He didn't even have time to put the things on the floor before Smart hugged him.
—Hi —Boom said, surprised by the intensity of the welcome.
Smart buried his face against his shoulder.
—Hi.
Boom set the bags aside and wrapped his arms around Smart's back.
—What happened?
—Nothing.
—Did you miss me during the hour I was gone?
Smart took a few seconds to answer.
—Yeah.
Boom stopped smiling.
Smart lifted his head, a little embarrassed.
—I know it's silly. You just went out to buy something. But...
His voice broke.
—I don't want to spend the day counting down how much time is left before you go.
Boom felt his eyes well up with tears again.
He hugged him tighter.
—It's not silly.
Smart breathed out heavily against his shoulder.
—I don't want you to think I don't want you to do your things.
—I don't think that.
Boom pulled back just enough to look at him.
—And you don't have to apologize for missing me either.
Smart caressed his cheek.
—What did you buy?
Boom smiled faintly and pointed to the bags.
—Come. I'll show you.
Inside the bags were warm string lights, a piece of string, and small wooden clothespins.
Smart looked at the purchases and then at Boom.
—What are you going to do?
Boom smiled.
—I need you to get the photographs.
Smart took a few seconds to understand.
—All of them?
—All the ones we've taken these past few days.
Smart's expression changed.
He stood up and went to the bedroom to fetch the box where they kept their instant photos.
When he returned, Boom had already laid out the lights on the table and was organizing the clips.
Smart placed the box in front of him.
—When did you think of this?
—This morning.
Boom looked up.
—I wanted us to have something from these days that we can look at even when we're not together.
Smart looked down at the box.
For a moment he didn't know what to say.
Boom opened the lid and started pulling out the photos.
The first one showed the two of them during one of their mornings in the apartment. In another, they were laughing after playing a game. There were pictures from Hua Hin, the beach, and sunrise.
There were also the ones that had turned out crooked, the ones they took without getting ready, and the ones they ended up keeping precisely because they made them laugh.
—Look at this one —Boom said, holding up one of them.
Smart laughed.
—I didn't remember that one.
—Because you were busy accusing me of cheating.
—Because you did cheat!
Boom burst out laughing.
—You're still on about that.
—And I always will be.
They kept going through the photographs, remembering the little stories behind each one.
Sometimes they laughed so hard they had to stop working.
Other times they stayed quiet for a few seconds, looking at the image in their hands.
Boom held up a photo of the two of them facing the sea.
—This one's my favorite.
Smart leaned in to look at it.
—Mine too.
—Why?
Smart shrugged.
—I don't know. I like how we look.
Boom watched him with a soft smile.
—How do we look?
Smart took the photograph carefully.
—Happy.
Boom lowered his gaze.
It was a simple answer, but it sent a pang through his chest.
Because they had been happy.
And they wanted to keep being happy.
Only they didn't know how long they would have to wait to feel that way again, without schedules pulling them apart or commitments forcing them to say goodbye.
Boom discreetly wiped away a tear.
Smart noticed.
—Come here.
Boom left the photograph on the table and walked over.
Smart hugged him by the waist, resting his cheek against Boom's chest.
—You don't have to act tough with me.
Boom closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around him.
—I'm not acting tough.
—A little bit.
Boom let out a choked laugh.
—Okay, maybe a little bit.
Smart lifted his head.
—I don't want it to end either.
Boom stroked his hair.
—I know.
—And I don't want you to leave thinking these days weren't enough.
Boom looked at him with tenderness.
—Smart, they were precious.
He paused.
—That's exactly why it hurts so much to think about separating again.
Smart hugged him tighter.
They stayed like that for a while, surrounded by the photographs they had gathered during that week.
Then Boom took a deep breath and pulled back slightly.
—Let's finish it.
Smart nodded.
—Let's do it.
Hanging the photographs took them longer than they had imagined.
Smart wanted to place some in a specific order, while Boom insisted there was no need to follow any sequence.
—If we put this one here, then the sunrise one has to go next —Smart explained.
—But that one doesn't match this one.
Smart looked at him.
—Since when do photographs have to match?
—Ever since we're putting them on the wall.
—You just made that up.
Boom smiled.
—I'm the head of design.
—Who appointed you head?
—Me.
Smart let out a laugh.
They argued a bit more, switched a few photos around, and ended up reaching a compromise that neither of them entirely followed.
But when they finally turned on the lights and turned off the main ones, the two of them fell silent.
The wall was illuminated by a warm glow.
The photographs were scattered among the tiny lights, each one preserving a different moment from those eight days.
Smart walked up to it slowly.
He recognized every single image.
The morning in the apartment.
The laughs.
The little outings.
The beach.
The sunrise.
It was hard to look at that wall without thinking that, in a few hours, all of that would stop being part of their present and become something he would have to remember from a distance.
Boom stepped up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist.
—Do you like it?
Smart nodded.
—A lot.
—Then it was worth it.
Smart placed his hands over Boom's.
—Thank you.
Boom gave him a kiss on the cheek.
—Don't thank me.
Smart turned his head to look at him.
—Why?
—Because it's mine too.
He smiled slightly.
—All of this is mine too.
Smart turned his gaze back to the photographs.
—I wish we could have more days like this.
Boom rested his chin on Smart's shoulder.
—Me too.
Silence settled between them.
This time it was Smart who spoke.
—I don't want to think about what's coming.
Boom closed his eyes for a second.
—Me neither.
—Waking up and having to get used to not having you close again. Wanting to tell you anything and having to wait until you can reply. Looking at my phone and not knowing if you're busy, resting, or traveling.
Boom listened without interrupting him.
—And I know we'll talk —Smart continued—. I know we'll find moments. But it's not the same as having you here.
Boom turned around in his arms to face him.
—I know.
His eyes welled up with tears again.
—I'm going to miss you too when something happens and I want to tell you in person. When I get to the hotel after an exhausting day and you're not there. When I have some free time and the first thing I think about is how I'd love to spend it with you.
Smart caressed his cheek.
—Then both of us are going to be just as miserable.
Boom let out a small, sad laugh.
—Looks like it.
Smart smiled faintly, but immediately pulled him into a hug again.
—I don't want you to have to pretend to me that you're fine.
Boom buried his face in his neck.
—And you don't have to either.
They stayed embraced in front of the illuminated wall.
For the first time all day, neither of them tried to distract the other with a joke.
Because both of them were feeling the exact same thing.
Not just sadness over a looming goodbye, but fear of what would come next: busy schedules, different cities, messages sent between commitments, and nights where they would have to settle for hearing each other's voice through a screen.
Boom was the one who broke the silence.
—Have you thought about what's waiting for us?
Smart took a deep breath.
—All the time.
—It's not just these ten days. Afterward, there will be other schedules, other trips, other commitments. Every month is the same. If we're lucky, we get four or five free days together, and the rest of the time we have to settle for a few hours when we're fortunate.
Smart tightened his arms around him.
—I know.
—And the secret doesn't help either.
Boom lowered his gaze.
—Not being able to react to a photo of yours without people starting to speculate. Having to measure what we say when we're asked about each other. Not being able to go out together in peace because we never know who might recognize us.
Smart let out a sigh.
—I'm tired of having to think about everything.
—Me too.
Boom paused before continuing.
—And our agencies still can't agree on anything. We don't know when we'll work together again. We don't even know when we'll be able to plan something without having to check if our schedules allow it first.
Smart looked away.
There were things he preferred not to imagine.
—What if a lot of time passes? —Boom asked—. What if we just keep waiting and waiting?
Smart looked back at him.
—I don't know.
The sincerity of his answer made Boom lower his head.
Smart took his hands.
—I don't know what the agencies are going to decide. I don't know when we'll share a project again or when we'll be able to go out without having to watch our backs. I can't promise you it's going to be easy.
He paused.
—But I can tell you that I want to keep trying with you.
Boom felt tears rolling down his cheeks again.
—I want that too.
Smart wiped away a tear with his thumb.
—Then we start with that.
Boom nodded, though his voice was still broken.
—What if one day we get tired?
Smart took a few seconds to answer.
—Then we'll talk. We'll tell each other what's going on. I don't want us to have to pretend everything is fine when it's not.
Boom squeezed his hands.
—Me neither.
—And if we have a hard day, it doesn't mean it's all over.
Boom looked at him.
—Do you promise me?
—I promise.
Smart rested his forehead against his.
—I can't promise you I'll never be afraid of losing you. But I don't want that fear to make decisions for us.
Boom closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
After a few seconds, he smiled.
—I've always heard fans talk about the red string theory. About those people who are destined to find each other, even if life takes them down different paths.
Smart listened in silence.
—Sometimes I think that, with everything we've been through, we should have let go of each other a long time ago —Boom continued—. We've had difficult moments, arguments, days where we didn't know how to fix things. And yet, here we are.
He stroked Smart's cheek.
—I don't know if it's destiny or if we just keep choosing each other. But I want to believe that this string they talk about doesn't mean everything is going to be easy. Maybe it just means that even when things get complicated, we can still decide if we want to keep walking together.
Smart felt something loosen in his chest.
Not because the fear had vanished, but because Boom was right there, telling him that he wanted to keep trying too.
—I would choose you a thousand times over —he whispered.
Boom hugged him.
—Me too.
They stayed like that for a long time, with no need to add any other promises.
The night moved on without either of them noticing.
Dinner was simple. They ate together, talked about the photographs, and ended up laughing again over a picture where Smart had his eyes closed.
For moments, they managed to forget what that date meant.
But every time one of them glanced at the clock, they remembered that the next day they would have to say goodbye and return to their respective schedules.
When they finally got ready for sleep, Smart sat on the bed for a while while Boom finished tidying a few things.
—What is it? —Boom asked when he saw him so quiet.
Smart looked up.
—Can you come here?
Boom walked over and sat down beside him.
Smart took his hand and began playing distractedly with his fingers.
—I don't want tomorrow to come.
Boom felt his throat tighten.
—Me neither.
—I feel like if I fall asleep, when I wake up it'll already be time for you to leave.
Boom stroked his hand.
—We still have tonight.
Smart nodded, but his eyes filled with tears.
—I know. Just that...
He couldn't finish.
Boom hugged him and rested his cheek against the top of Smart's head.
—I'm scared of waking up tomorrow too.
Smart looked up, surprised.
Boom smiled weakly.
—Did you think you were the only one?
—No.
—Then stop trying to carry all the sadness by yourself.
Smart let out a small laugh through his tears.
—I'm not trying to do that.
—A little bit, yeah.
Smart hugged him tighter.
—It's just that I'm going to miss you so much.
Boom closed his eyes.
—I'm going to miss you so much too.
There were no grand promises or attempts to convince themselves that the distance would be easy.
Just two people who had enjoyed eight days together and now had to accept that they couldn't stop the clock.
They lay down without turning on the television.
Smart snuggled up next to Boom and wrapped his arms around his waist. Boom interlaced his fingers with his and brought their hands to his chest.
For a while they talked about small things: what they had eaten, which photographs they liked best, and some nonsense neither of them would remember the next day.
Then, little by little, the words became less frequent.
Smart thought Boom had fallen asleep until he heard him murmur:
—Smart...
—Yeah?
Boom took a moment to continue.
—Thank you for these days.
Smart opened his eyes in the darkness.
—Thank you.
—I didn't want them to end so fast.
Smart kissed his forehead softly.
—Me neither.
Boom squeezed his hand.
—When I get back...
—I'll be right here.
Boom stayed quiet for a few seconds.
—And when you have hard days, you're going to tell me, right?
—Yeah.
—Even if I'm far away.
Smart held him a little closer.
—Even if you're far away.
Boom closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Smart's chest.
A short while later, both of them fell asleep, still holding each other.
In the living room, the little lights continued to illuminate the photographs.
Eight days.
Eight days of shared breakfasts, jokes, trips, games, and moments that hadn't needed a camera to stay in their memory.
Some memories were hanging on that wall.
Others remained on their phones.
And many more had been saved in things so small no one else would have recognized them.
The next day they would return to their schedules, their commitments, and the places they were meant to occupy.
They would have to learn how to miss each other through messages, calls, and schedules that didn't always line up.
But that night they were still together.
And even though neither of them knew how much the distance would cost them, they both fell asleep clinging to the exact same certainty: they didn't want to stop choosing each other.
Day eight was over.
And for the first time all week, neither of them wanted morning to come.